Of Death and Funerals!

Source: www.nzflowers.co.nz

September, 2004 

Sin theta/Cos theta = Tan theta?

I doubtfully looked at Appachi and she nodded with a smile and said "You are doing fine, Achu. (tats my pet name. My real name is Abhinav). We will watch TV after solving this problem. She convinced me like always and patted on my head."

I relaxed and smiled back at her.

She was my aunt (my Dad's elder sister), a retired Mathematics teacher. So my dad sent me there for special coaching to get at least pass marks in 10th board exams.

I sucked at math, always hated it, since the day my dad taught me once for my 6th Std final exams and turned my ear red by his Hitler style of teaching. Although it was not his or my fault. I simply can't understand Math.

Dad was supposed to take me home by yesterday, but told me to stay for one more day.

God knows why! May be he enjoyed punishing me by studying more and more Math.

After copying the answers from the backside of the book I closed all books with a tired face (as if I completed learning rocket science).

I picked up the phone and called Anjana. She was my best friend at that time.

We were like the closest buddies from 7th Std and it was like totally cool at that time to be friends with a gal, that too beautiful one.

Her dad took the phone and said “Yes”. I always wonder why he starts the call by saying” yes” and not simple “Hello”.

So he gave the phone to her. Their family was a very cool, open minded one.

We used to talk each and everyday by the phone for hours. Sometimes dad asks my sister what I was actually talking to her.

She answered the call. Started talking about her cats, dog, and some usual crap. But I loved hearing about all those stupid things.

We started talking about studies, girls, boys, and somehow it ended at death and funeral.

“So which flower do you want me to put on your dead body? Tell me na, Abhinav” She asked me like she is keeping it ready now.

“I like rose... or lilly” I answered

The discussion about death continued for some more time.

I heard dad’s voice from hall and I cut the call and suddenly went to greet him.

He looked tensed and worried, didn’t talk much to me.

Dad told me while driving that my closest friend, Athul, is back for like 4 days from Bangalore. He was older than me, but we were close buddies, and we were family friends. I was really happy excited thinking that we both could go and watch some new movies in the hall.

As soon as I reached home I got ready to meet Athul. He stays near our place. So hardly a minutes walk.

Dad and mom were discussing something and suddenly they called me to their room. I felt awkward. They never call me to discuss about family matters.

Dad came near to me and held my hand. I was wondering what actually happened in this two days. Did they miss me that much. I was freaking out.

“Achu, listen to me calmly. Don't be sad hearing this. But I know you will be”

I couldn't understand anything. I was looking at his eyes and waiting for what he wants to share.

“Ganesh commited suicide”. He looked at me with tear-filled eyes.

I suddenly asked “...and??? Then what happened???”

I didn't get the word “commit”.

So that question was asked because I thought he tried to commit suicide and failed!

I waited for the word “fail”. But didn’t hear it.

I was in a deep shock. I stood there for almost 5 minutes. I couldn’t believe what Dad had just said.

So many memories were moving through my head... Memories of me, Athul and his cousin Ganesh hanging out countless times. Ganesh was like a elder brother to me. We three used to watch movies, stay back at athul's house, discuss about everything under the sky and much more.

I lost all the courage to meet Athul, I didn’t know how to face him. Ganesh was his cousin. They were so close. I cried myself to sleep.

I regret the time I spent thinking about death, funeral, and afterlife. I was an idiot thinking to have thought about with happiness.

I couldn’t attend the cremation, it was yesterday. Dad intentionally made me stay at Appachi's house so that I can digest this horrible news after 2 days.

November 2011

I am at the airport on my way from Mumbai to Trivandrum.

Yesterday, heard the horrible news that Appachi passed away.

Through these years I learned to suppress sadness. Sometimes it help us to relax. Ya, it does!

I am gonna really miss her. Feeling miserable thinking that she is no longer in our life.

Thank you Appachi. Thank you for the love and care that you have given me.

Thank you for helping me with my least favorite subject. I scored 80% marks in my 10 Std Board Exams. Thanks to you!